It’s not the unknown that scares me. It’s what I’ve heard about the unknown that scares me. The things people have said, the examples from other people’s lives and experiences that scare me and prevent me from taking a step forward, forward out of the scripted and mundane life that I’ve known and “successfully” navigated thus far. The same “known” that I’ve struggled through without ever fitting in. The known that has dangers around every corner, disapproval in every glance, and absolute joy in the “known” places that I’ve tread.
The temporary happiness that is a result of pulling the same old “known” dopamine levers in predictable places with socially acceptable names like career, achievement, education, entertainment, escape, and other purchasable experiences.
The “unknown” can’t truly scare me because, by definition… we don’t “know” anything about it. If we did, it wouldn’t be the unknown. That’s sort of how that term works lol. My old reference points for fear were when I unexpectedly and unsuccessfully found myself looking for predicable “known” levers in unknown places. The old levers and experiences I described above weren’t there. They are always going to be safely back in the known world I left. The world I left because I realized that those levers aren’t working for me any more… and if I’m being honest… they never really did work for me. Not in the way that I thought they did.
The unknown is not a place to look for new versions of what I’ve always experienced. It’s a black expanse of possibility.
What scares me about stepping out is that ANYTHING could be waiting for me. It’s like the symbol on old maps that say “beyond this point there be dragons.” No one ever actually documented what the dragons are, what they do, and if they intend us harm. I’m not even 100% sure that that ever appeared on maps. I’ve just heard about it. I looked for it… I didn’t find it. Turns out, from a world exploration perspective, that just over the horizon… is more horizon. Horizon that’s filled with new, wonderful, and terrifyingly AMAZING expanses of our world that were beyond anything we could have imagined. Uncharted world filled with volcanoes, mountains of ice, penguins, platypuses, and just large expanses of… open plains and miles and miles of water.
Once I circled the globe, I realized that it’s all essentially the same. People are people, animals are animals, languages are languages, and plants are plants. They are new, foreign, different, but not dangerous.
Just like others before me, I’ve looked up and studied the heavens… the planets are there, just like they said they would be. “Secret and hidden star systems” are in the exact places that they said they would be.
So where’s my unknown? I’m not sure. It’s unknown. That’s that joy of it. I’m currently seeking my inner self and connectedness to all. It’s a fascinating journey of discovery thus far. What I’ve learned is that it’s not as scary as I thought and was warned that it would be. I haven’t died yet or ended up in ruin. So far, this version has held the opposite. I’m understood by those around me. I’m understanding more about my family, friends, and myself than ever before. I’m calm, peaceful, and learning patience with every passing day. Patience and acceptance.
The unknown is a place where I can’t possibly “try to fit in” because there’s no way to plan for it. No way to groom my manners or trim my puzzle piece to snap into predictable place. It’s a place of ultimate belonging.
We all belong in this world, and we all truly seek belonging in our environment. The funny thing is that it’s already there. We were created for this life, and so “not belonging” is not an option. If you’re here… you are perfect and no effort to “fit in” is required.
So I’m just as “unknown and terrifying” to whatever is awaiting me on the other side of that step forward as the unknown is to me. I’m embracing it like a blank page on a new sketch pad.
Anything I can imagine is waiting to come to life there. That is a good or a bad thing, and that is where the terror lies. It’s facing the responsibility of “myself” in a way that is undeniable. I am literally holding the pencil, making all the marks, and an experience of my creation is coming into life all around me.
Do I spend my time stressing out and forcing myself to create a crude version of what I know I can find somewhere else, or do I embrace today’s blank page of me with the childlike curiosity, creativity, wonder, and trust that have been the core tenets of my being?
That’s the choice and option before me today. That’s always been the choice, and I was too mentally and emotionally bogged down in the lingering effects of my “this is all I’ve known” experiences to trust myself to deviate from my script.
So I spent some time inside my soul to reimagine the “dragon” awaiting me as I cross the border into todays unknown territory, and it was eager to be brought to life with all the majesty, grace, beauty, benevolence, and peace that I could give it.
I wish you all a happy Tuesday because it is truly all I “know” to say.
Steve
Who's to say dragons should be fear inducing? The few I've known proved to be downright delightful.